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(Story shared with permission, names absolutely changed to protect the brave)
I’ve recently had a perspective shift. There’s a need for me to be really honest with you here: because I have never had an eating disorder, disordered eating, or true issue with food (other than eating too much because I made choices, not because of imbalances), I haven’t always used the right terminology.
I had no idea that I was using potentially harmful terminology.
I have a friend, lets call her Maxine. She is fun and bold and an all around cheerful and amazing person. She recently disclosed to me that she was in recovery from an eating disorder, which was humbling and brave. I had no idea how to react or respond, and when I feel powerless, I head to research. I searched about how best to support, how NOT to support, and asked her to share with me ways I could help her. Had she said she was suffering from depression and anxiety, I wouldn’t have felt so powerless, having been dealt that hand myself, but this was unknown territory for me.
I am sure that I have met others who have had disordered eating and unhealthy relationships with food, but this is the first person I know who is actively recovering, and open about it.
To say it has shifted my world view is an understatement.
As I look back on this blog, my Instagram, my Pinterest boards, I see where I have been using unhealthy terminology – cheat days, splurge meals, diet, the list goes on. Until I was confronted with a perspective and a challenge far different than my own, I thought I was being encouraging. Absolutely balance is the name of the game, but the ways that you describe restriction or indulgence is important.
Those words can take a fragile mindset, and push them towards a really dangerous mindset – in either direction. People can take restriction ideas (and a diet) and suddenly go to the extreme. They can take the idea of splurge meals and go to the other extreme. This is not to say that everyone will, but much like running with a team, my focus and word choice needs to be with the ones who might be struggling and coping, not with those who have already crossed the finish line.
Words matter – and can be wildly alluring, without giving all the details.
I also feel compelled to mention here, that for a time, I was an active member of an MLM – BeachBody – from which I did not make money but did engage in promoting. I still stand by them, actually, in comparison to 99% of the MLM’s around. While of course there is the allure of the “get rich quick while you lose weight!” thing (of which I was awful at because…I’m not nearly bold enough to put myself out there and awkwardly sell via Facebook messenger), their basic premise is the core of weight loss and muscle gain – eat right and work out.
I’ve done the 21 Day Fix, and it keeps you full and helps you to eat the right portions of food throughout the day. I’ve done Piyo and seen great muscle and endurance change. I think that BeachBody is more safely promoting weight loss, even quick weight loss, than most others.
However, I also know that just about any plan can turn from “the right thing” to an obsession, compulsion, or a way to play into the mind games of disordered eating, and those who have struggled should be careful.
The MLM’s that scare me are similar to the ones that are “lose weight quick taking THIS pill or using THIS patch” that are so far from fact that it can hurt. A friend of mine (not Maxine!) told me about one a week or so ago, that was a patch and a pill and was for weight loss and energy boosting – without changing, well, any habits.
A simple internet search tells you that these patches and pills are placebos or weird chemicals, but people write reviews of miraculous health cures and weight loss (so they can sell you on it and thus make money) and it is so appealing to those in a fragile state, who, when the patch isn’t working, goes to more and more extremes to get the results they want. Its wildly interesting, and something I never thought of until recently. Sure, I can avoid those sellers, but not everyone can or does…so what risks will they take with my words too?
So where do I go from here?
I’ve decided I won’t change the posts from the past, because I don’t want to erase my words like I’ve always been aware of these things, and therefore come off as less than real. I want to be human and own my errors and misguided attempts at help. Plus, owning your own perspective change can help others. This blog is meant to help people to grow and change and reach their goals, and that includes me. I want to show my own growth, so the verbiage stays.
But going forward, as you may have seen recently in my Instagram posts, I will be changing. The words I use will be different. I’ve added a new Pinterest board about healthy food relationships. I’ve started researching intuitive eating practices, and will be using the word ‘balance’ far more (until someone gives me a synonym that I like). I want to hear from you – I want to continue learning and growing to make sure that this is an inclusive community that helps others of all types, and does not cause harm.
My weight loss was a series of months of self-discovery, habit changes, and growth. It could not have happened without the support of those around me. A recovery or weight loss attempt or journey to becoming more fit is something to be supported. None of us can do it alone!
In closing:
To those who struggle, are in recovery, are trying to get to a place of peace and recovery, I just want to say that I understand my platform, and I will continue learning and growing to make sure that I do not assist the parts of your brain that are telling you that you are not good enough. I will support you and stand with you and encourage you, but I will choose my terminology carefully so that I do not add to your burden, but can hopefully in a small way, help relieve it.
You are heard, seen, and loved. I believe in YOU!
