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Our second little baby love has arrived! Hence the silence!

Dempsey was born on June 20, and we adore her so much!

I have to say, this round has been so completely different than my experience with the delivery, recovery, and first few months with #1, I can’t even hardly describe it. I look back with great memories of our first few months when we became parents, but it was filled to the brim (for me) with anxiety. I’m thankful that Kins was such a great baby (and still is a fantastic kid!) because with my anxiety and recovery, I don’t know how I would have managed something like colic. You mamas that have endlessly fussy babies, I see you, and you are rock stars.

Baby One

I had an emergency c-section 36 hours into labor with my first baby She was healthy and amazing, but I had been on Pitocin for so long and I was not dilating (never went past 4!). I was exhausted, had been on an epidural for 9 hours, and baby was starting to get distressed. They made the decision, wheeled me back, and had her out in 20 minutes. I’d had an extra shot of narcotics to ensure I didn’t feel the c-section, and I was just exhausted.

The first several hours of her life are a bit of a blur. The first two weeks were heavy anxiety which culminated in what can only be described as a “new parent panic” ER visit. (baby was totally fine, but I’m glad we went) I struggled with other people holding her, I was scared of illness, I got up 4+ times a night to ensure she was still breathing. I was just tense, constantly tense.

A history of depression and anxiety plus post-pregnancy hormones are no joke, man.

Throughout this, there was absolute joy – she rolled over at 2 weeks (I KNOW), she would half-crawl her way up Aaron’s face and rest on his cheek, she was and still is the greatest cuddler of all time, we got to introduce her to her great-grandparents and got an epic picture of 4 generations, being cared for by our family on all sides, cousin visits and snuggles, and so much more.

Baby Two

Heading into delivery of Demps, I had ideas of what I wanted. First and foremost, I wanted to avoid a c-section if at all possible. Somehow, I had put it in my brain that I HAD to avoid a c-section. I had lost 50 pounds between having Kins and getting pregnant with baby number 2. I had done a lot to improve my own mental health, especially my anxiety. And I was acutely aware that this was my last shot, so to speak, because they only let you do a VBAC after 1 c-section, not after 2.

So I knew that if I had a c-section, I wouldn’t get a chance to try again. I was determined to make it happen. Nearing the end of my pregnancy, I was praying to go into labor and doing just about anything I could do to go into labor. Nothing worked. My c-section date approached and I panicked. As I talked to my mom, she reminded me that she was (and that I should) just be praying for the Lord to provide the safest and healthiest way for both myself and baby to go through delivery. So I did.

And the Lord provided.

I had a c-section. And I am so joyfully glad that I did. Over the last two months, I’ve kept saying the same thing, “I didn’t know how much my first c-section was an emergency until I had one that wasn’t.” It was a great experience.

Truly.

My sister blogged about her first scheduled c-section (after two c-sections following labors) and how different it was. I cant say that I totally believed her until I experienced it. Everything about it was so much better. It was slow, smooth, calm, and I genuinely felt taken care of the entire time.

My anesthesiologist especially – he was listening to every anxious thought I had (because I babble when at the height of anxiety) and managing it for me. He went so far as to fluffing/propping my pillow and actively describing what was happening one step before it happened so I wouldn’t worry. My recovery post-surgery was as good as could be, while still being a recovery from a major surgery while also waking up every 2 hours to care for and feed a newborn. 🙂

In the last two months, I have had less anxiety than I had round 1. I’ve been relaxed, to the point that our pediatrician commented on how relaxed I was! (guys, that does NOT happen to me) We believe that this has made Demps a better sleeper, and helped Kins transition into big sisterhood.

This was a HUGE win.

It was also a reminder that beating your demons, whatever they may be, don’t always mean they are gone for good. I had so much fear of another c-section. I was so determined to control every moment and will myself into what I wanted. Hilariously, I was hyper-focused on a VBAC, and now a month later, I am still saying to Aaron, “Man, that was such a blessing! I could do it again!” (NOT SOON)

I am a control freak. This is where my anxiety comes from – I want to manage every situation to get the desired result, mostly safety. I (quite often) forget that if I just let go, something far better than my expectations and desires comes next.

I think that works with just about everything in life.

*Cue cheesy music* We all need to practice letting go of expectations and anxieties, which will lead us to far better things than imagined. I don’t mean to just lay back and sit on the couch and things will happen. You need to take action, go for things, and see what comes! Like this blog, or my weight loss, or career goals. All three of those things ended up (thus far) so different and far better than I pictured.

Often, when something great happens to me, and I call my mom, in her state of pride, she is drawn to the same image that I am: me driving home from Eugene for the final time as a student, in my mind an epic failure, depressed, exhausted, hopeless, a shell of myself. She says, “Did you ever think that THAT girl driving home would be here?”

That is the picture I need to think of when I let go from my expectations.

Because the life after that drive has thus far exceeded all expectations. I didn’t know what future I had when I was driving home, I can’t say that I was really even thinking of one (not suicidal, just unable to imagine getting better). And the future I got? Well, lets say the last two months have continuously reminded me to let go and relax. Because this future is far better than I could picture. I met Aaron two weeks after moving home, and now we’re celebrating 8 years married and a SECOND beautiful girl.

Welcome to the world, Demps. You exceed expectations, you change our world. We love you.

Photos by: Sissy & Lou Photography

Dempsey’s name comes inspired from whichever famous Dempsey you choose – Clint or Patrick – we love the last name as a first!