I am on such a high right now! This week, I did my FINAL 30/10 weigh in and I graduated to maintenance! This means that my weight, fat, muscle, and visceral fat are all at an acceptable and AVERAGE level, so I can get my body OUT of fat burning mode and into normal, everyday life mode!
In other words: SUCCESS.
My own numbers are impressive enough (#humblebrag)
- 50.6 pounds lost
- 30+ inches lost overall
- -3 bra cup sizes
- -5 pants sizes (14/16 to an 8/10)
- +1,000,000 confidence levels
- (Non-scale victory) Wearing clothes from high school (as in, I walked into my parents’ house this weekend, and my mother and sister said, “You can’t wear that shirt to the party, it’s too big” and sent me upstairs to where my high school clothes live…and they fit.)
After this work, I’m thrilled. I’m relieved. I’m anxious (because I live in a world of either elation or anxiety, there is no in-between). I hold myself to very high standards. When I read through that list, I’m proud, I’m embarrassed, I’m humbled.
I feel so many emotions this morning because this entire journey has been a whirlwind. When I started in March, I was overweight, unhappy, had a 10-month-old, had been back at work 5 months, was eating terribly and hating my body. I was dreaming of becoming “that girl”.
You all know the one.
She’s pretty, skinny, has had a great weight loss journey, but is now telling you she loooooooves kale and hates bread and won’t ever drink alcohol again. Seriously, I wanted to WANT to like kale; I wanted to dream of salads as a perfect meal. Changing my mindset, working out a ton and eating only good things for me and *poof* becoming that girl was my goal.
Spoiler alert: I am salivating at the thought of a club sandwich. With light mayo.
I (obviously) didn’t become that girl. I became a part of that girl because I did lose the weight and that’s literally a decade’s long dream come true. But the mindset change wasn’t what I thought it needed to be.
I don’t love kale, in fact, I didn’t eat it once on this program.
Do I crave salads? Absolutely not.
I will never give up prosecco.
But I learned balance, moderation, and gained a deep understanding of my body, how it works, and what it needs. I learned what it meant to go overboard, to be OK with letting loose and eating what I want sometimes, and to eat the good stuff the rest of the time.
I’ve long dreamed of being as “fat as I thought I was in high school”.
Today, I am.
It’s a bit more shifted around (thanks, c-section!) but the weight is the same. My husband has never seen me at this weight.
But…
We can’t talk about success without failure.
And this self-deprecating-still dabbles in depression-weight loss blogging lady can tell you, it has many definitions.
Two weeks ago, I went in for what I thought was my last weigh in. I had done so well, been so strict, and I turned out to be 3 pounds of body fat away from the “maintenance” range. My coach suggested two more weeks to get that down, and then come back and do it again.
I was, in a word, devastated.
I got in my car and cried and cried and cried – I felt like I had failed. Forget the fact that the scale said I had lost 47 pounds, forget all the work I had done to change my mindset, or how amazing I felt or looked. I had walked into that room with the expectation of walking out as a success story and I didn’t achieve that. So, I was crushed.
I don’t handle change well, especially change in expectations, so it took me a few hours to shake that feeling, and remember all that I had accomplished. Friends, I want you to hear me when I say this:
The only failure is not starting, or giving up entirely.
When you refuse to get off the couch or put down the fork, to get what you want so bad, that’s failing yourself. When you get discouraged and then stop, that’s failing. But if you start again, if you get off the couch, if you decide that enough is enough and you can have the willpower to continue past the day of motivation, you have already succeeded.
Success is choosing, every day, in small or huge ways, to trust the process, to keep going, to say “no” to the free bagel in the office. It’s taking the stairs instead of the elevator. It’s going on a walk for 10 minutes. Having one glass of wine instead of 4. Having a Heineken light instead of real beer (just kidding, don’t ever do that).
Kidding aside, don’t forget the value of the journey. Remember that you are becoming a leader and influencing others, by doing your thing and bettering yourself. You are showing others who feel like it’s too hard or that they can’t do it that they can – because you yourself once felt that same way.
Let me say it again so those in the back can hear me: you only fail if you never start, or stop at your first obstacle.
So while yes, I am celebrating this week because I have met a weight loss goal and had success, I celebrate for many reasons.
I celebrate that I persevered through this to reach this goal, that I found the willpower within myself to say no to many delicious things, and found that I can substitute things without making myself miserable. And I celebrate finding out that I have inspired people by doing this for myself. I celebrate that I can fit into clothes I wore in high school. I celebrate feeling better about myself, and healthier in my own skin. Then I celebrate that I am able. I thank the Lord that I am able and that I have had the support system around me, cheering me on while shamelessly eating carbs at the same time. I celebrate the humor and sorrow and joy in life. Because it lead me here. And if my successes and failures and feelings of failures can help me to help you, I’ll take it.
Now – my battle is keeping it off, refusing to fall back into old patterns of behavior, and continuing to do the work and keep the balance to keep my sanity and have great success!
